So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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