Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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