Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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