I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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