Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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