No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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