I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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