I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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