I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BRING THE BAGELS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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