she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
