kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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