You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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