dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
