Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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