I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
