WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
