You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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