Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
