Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
