I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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