I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
