She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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