Plan B is the new Plan A
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
