Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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