1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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