dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
