I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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