Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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