Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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