Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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