i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
