Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
