make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
