just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
