it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
