My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
