Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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