i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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