Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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