Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
