I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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