Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
