I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
