please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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