There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
