my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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