can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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