Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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