When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
