I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found puke in my bra..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
