he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
