just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
