so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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