I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
