And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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