Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
